just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
