I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
