Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
