The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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