Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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