I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
