but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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