you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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