I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
