Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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