A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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