If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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