i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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