she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
