i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
