dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
