You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
