when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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