dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize