I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
