I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
