you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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