Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you would pick up someone in the library
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
