I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
