Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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