I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
