Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
