yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
