he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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