only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
