omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
