And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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