All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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