the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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