FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
