oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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