I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sober January is a disaster.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
