Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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