today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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