It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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