I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
