a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
