Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
