Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
