I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
