Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just found puke in my bra..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i think i just lost a toe
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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