Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
