um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
