omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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