At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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