sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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