last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
