the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
