She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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