when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
