1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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