your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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