woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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