She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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