she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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