i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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