I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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